Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
