Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
