sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
