I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
