I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
