Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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