That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
