See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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