I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize