I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
