If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
