MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
