She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
