go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
