Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
