my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
