We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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