I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
