i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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