Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
