Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
