i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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