VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
