we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
