hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
