I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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