Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
