I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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