I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize