The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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