sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
