I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
