Plan B is the new Plan A
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
