I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
