When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
