Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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