so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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