glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
