I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
third nipple confirmed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
