Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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