cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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