Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
