I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
