I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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