i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
