i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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