Don't make out with my wife yet
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
