my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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