Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
