my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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