Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize