I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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