Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
