she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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