you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
