Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
