I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
