Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
