she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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