A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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