I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
