they need to just BURY HIM!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
