ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i dont even know how to be here
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
