So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize