woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
