we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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