I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
