Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
