I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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