A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
