Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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