im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
