Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
