sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
