Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
