what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
