I look better un-naked...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
