after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
