So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
