He asked to "fluff my boner.."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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