She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
