This girl is more easily done than said...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
