I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In America we eat man semen.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
