I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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