i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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