what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize