You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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