so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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