these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
