I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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