He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
