Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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