I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
