i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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