She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
