I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
