On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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