real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
