you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
