Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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